Eulogy for My Yahoo! Email Account

I work in the tech industry, therefore, I must always have the coolest new gadget, the hottest smartphone, and use the trendiest web apps.  Yes?  Hmm…no.  There are many cases where I find myself clinging to older technology just because I’m reluctant to abandon something that works well enough for something slightly faster and shinier. However, in the case of my Yahoo! Mail account, my reasons for hanging on are purely sentimental.

I’ve had my account for thirteen years. Inspiration for the handle came from girlish giggly moments shared with my best friend, Jordan, when we were fifteen.  The email address and screen name have since been happy reminders of my best friend, light-hearted innocence, and side-splitting laughter.  In the years since the account’s creation, I’ve dutifully established a less ridiculous Gmail account for professional or serious correspondence, but loyally forwarded all my mail to my Yahoo! account.  Brilliant. Or at least it was brilliant for several years.

Sadly, in recent months, the dependability of Yahoo! Mail has crumbled – one can only assume this a result of the recent massive layoffs.  My mail was slow and laggy. Oftentimes messages would fail to load; I’d have to refresh the entire app and navigate back to the message. Sometimes Yahoo! Mail would freeze entirely, forcing me to close the tab or sometimes *gasp* restart the browser. Essentially, Yahoo! Mail went back to the same performance quality it boasted in 1997.  Though I consider myself to be retro in many ways, this is not the kind of nostalgia I enjoy.

It was with a heavy heart that I made the decision to retire this trusty old account that had been with me through so much. I figured I’d just forward any messages sent to my Yahoo! account to Gmail and let it drift quietly into the sunset. WRONG!  Instead of explaining why this process wasn’t nearly as simple as it should have been, I’ll just paste my “vacation response email” below.

Greetings Sender,

I am no longer using Yahoo! Mail. I’d like to forward all my email from this account to my new email address, however, Yahoo! insists that I upgrade to Mail Plus in order to do this, which costs $20.

If you’re a friend or family member, please email me at <my new email address>.

If you’re a business or spammer, please disregard this message and my new email address, as I’m sure you’re already sending a bunch of crap to it.


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