In my opinion, the phone conversation is an archaic and annoying form of communication. It still has its uses in the business world or when one wants to have an in-depth conversation with someone who lives far away, but if I want to talk to someone locally, I’d much rather meet that person for coffee and have a face-to-face conversation. Unfortunately, in the world of eDating, the “first phone call” is an expected part of the progression before one gets to the actual date. Among my friends who also eDate, there are a lot of good reasons to have the phone call:
- You can get better sense of someone by the sound of his voice and how he talks. This especially applies to people who need to love the sound of someone’s voice in order to be attracted.
- You can learn more about a person faster via phone call than by exchanging a lot of emails.
- Sometimes it’s a faster way of making plans to meet up than emails or text messages.
- Multitasking is possible while on the phone. You can enjoy the first awkward phone conversation during your long commute home from work.
These are all very valid reasons for the phone call, but no matter how good the reasons are for doing it, it doesn’t make the actual phone call any less awkward. One of my eDating buddies, who’s blog alias will be Charlotte, said that one of the biggest let downs on the phone is when the person on the other end is bad at holding up his end of the conversation. It’s laborious and exhausting if you have to do all the work – ask all the questions, create ways to make the phone conversation flow from one topic to another, provide information about yourself that he didn’t ask for just in the interest of keeping the conversation going, etc…
Mugsy (an alias for another friend who eDates) finds it irritating when he asks stupid questions he already knows the answer to. “I love it when the guys call and ask you what you are doing? What the fuck do you think I’m doing…? I’m talking to you! I think what they want to hear is, ‘I’m lying on the bed naked, rubbing my clit and dreaming of your hard pulsing cock inside me’. Why can’t it be ‘hi’?!” I agree with Mugsy. The silly filler questions are really pointless. “So, how’s it going?”, “What are you up to?”, “What’s new?”. These are all questions people ask when they don’t know what else to say.
Even though the first phone call can be a painful ordeal, through talking to Sassy Pants, Mugsy, and Charlotte, as well as a few other friends who are more experienced eDaters than me, I managed to compile some strategies to make that first call suck less:
- Try to schedule the phone call so that you’re not cold-called and taken buy surprise at an inconvenient moment.
- Do a little research before the call – review his profile, re-read any emails you exchanged – just so that you can remember more about him and be in a better mental state to have the first call.
- Jot down a few questions you want to ask him so you have some back up if there are any awkward silences.
- Have an exit strategy. If the phone call becomes too painfully awkward or too long, have a graceful and polite way to get off the phone. My favorite is, “Hey, so it was really great talking to you, but I’ve got to go walk my dog now.” I like using that one because it’s generally true.
These strategies have definitely helped and improved my first phone call experiences, but I still would rather skip it and just meet him. I’ve always felt I can learn so much more about a person when actually spending time in the same space with him. How attentive is he? What are his mannerisms like? Is he aware of other people around him? Does he make eye contact? Etc…
So, dear reader, what do you think? Do you prefer to have a first phone call? Are there any strategies we could add to the list? Please feel free to share any stories or tips in the comments! (You can post anonymously, if you’d like, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your comments and I’ll post them with an alias of your choosing.)